Why women need to start being more selfish.
When you bring up the word “selfish” to a woman, she’s typically going to cringe. It’s a word we often think of strictly in the negative sense, and it’s time to re-evaluate that whole situation. Yes, I meant to type that. Ladies, it’s time to stop thinking that being SELFISH is a bad thing.
I’ve learned a whole lot of life lessons in the past several years, many of which you’ll hear about here on my newly re-launched blog (be sure you are subscribed– do so over at the sidebar right now y’all!) – and one of them is that women, myself included, can often be such people pleasers by nature, they will put everyone else’s needs before their own, all the time. While this sounds nice and potentially noble, don’t kid yourself. It’s not. It’s more like a recipe for disaster. And burnout. And adrenal fatigue, among other things.
Being unselfish is a recipe for disaster.
What do I mean really, when I say that being unselfish is a recipe for DISASTER? Seriously. Well, if you are, like I have been for most of my adult life, a people pleaser who thrives by taking care of EVERYONE else around you- your significant other, your family, your friends, your neighbors, your co-workers or employees, if you don’t pay attention, you may not notice that YOUR life is suffering. YOUR productivity at work is on the decline because you are carrying everyone else’s burdens. Your emotional state of mind can be one of sheer turmoil and exhaustion because you are shouldering the burden of trying to solve everyone else’s problems. (Have you done this? Someone you know loses a job and you feel it’s YOUR job to help them find a new one. It’s YOUR problem they can’t pay their bills. It’s YOU who should lend them money and YOU who should network for them to get a new job…..yea, I’ve been there!!) When you are relentlessly unselfish all the time, you say YES to every request- from co-workers or your boss, or your employees even! You say yes to every social request, even the ones you don’t want to to attend, because God forbid you say NO. What does this do? It leaves you with a schedule that is impossible to maintain, yet you keep trying. When you are insanely unselfish at home, you run around the second you get home taking care of everyone else’s needs- cleaning the house, doing the laundry, grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning up the kitchen etc. — and you don’t pay attention to the fact that you are EXHAUSTED.
And then you look around and wonder why you don’t have the energy to work out. And you wonder even if you DID have the energy, when would you find the TIME? Yea– read above- remember– your schedule is impossibly full. So you have no time.
This is a road to nowhere. Because it never ends. The people you think you are helping or serving will not typically appreciate it, but they will come to EXPECT IT. And so their dependency on you will never stop. Their demands will only increase because you’ve set the tone for your relationship — you have become the GO-TO-GIRL. For everything.
Why you need a LIFE wake-up call.
Ladies, I’ve had quite a lot of LIFE wake-up calls in the past couple of years- and I’m so grateful for them. I’m convinced that too many of us are walking around on auto-pilot every day, not considering if where we are- with our work, with our body, with our health, with our relationships, is where we want to be. We just keep trudging through the days hoping to “get by” or thinking that things will inevitably get better if we keep working hard, working long, being caring and giving and unselfish etc. It doesn’t work that way. If our lives are to change for the better, it’s up to US to change them. And we can’t change them if we aren’t paying attention. We really REALLY need to start paying attention to ourselves.
It’s when we start paying attention to ourselves, and making that a .habit, that we can improve the overall quality of our LIFE. And when we do that, TRUST ME WHEN I SAY THIS– IT’S NOT JUST AN OPRAH-SHOW CLICHE– when you are happier and more fulfilled and healthy and loving life, you WILL do more for the others in your life.
You’ll perform better at the office. You’ll be a better wife/girlfriend/mom/best friend/co-worker.
I shot an impromptu video on this topic the end of last week– watch below and let me know if this resonates with you.
Ladies, are you feeling this? Is this you? It was me for years. I have ignored my goals and my health issues and my visions for too long. Now, I’m learning, my life and my health will only change and improve to the degree that I invest time and focus and activity on them. HELLO!! It’s time to look inward and focus on US, so we can be better inevitably for those around us. Do you agree? Let me know in the comments what questions you have and if this struck a chord with you. I’ll see you soon. The first half of this year was a lot of prep work for what I’m finally going live with the second half of this year so make sure you are subscribed!! 😉