The Life Changing Decision I Made After Turning 40
The best decision I ever made after age 40 changed my entire life. Lord, I wish I would have had the self-awareness to see the NEED to make this change decades earlier, but that’s life. Better late than never right. The best decision I ever made after age 40 was so impactful, it’s a change I recommend to EVERY WOMAN I COACH because — I truly believe that the majority of women can benefit from doing the same. So what IS this best decision I ever made after age 40 anyway? It was the decision I made to STOP WORRYING ABOUT WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK OF ME. To stop seeking everyone’s approval of my decisions, my actions, my behavior and my LIFE. Nothing has been more life changing than this practice- and it IS indeed a practice– you have to PRACTICE THIS approach, day in and day out- but it’s so worth reminding yourself to stay on track with. It will forever change your life for the better, trust me.
I never heard the phrase “people pleaser” until my friend Amy recommended I read a book called What Color is Your Personality by Carol Ritberger. I strongly urge you to buy this book and read it. It opened my eyes and changed how I saw myself forever.
After understanding what a people pleaser was and realizing I had been one my entire adult life, that’s when I knew I had to let go of this person. Ironically, this was also just around the time that I was going through a major disruption in my business life…..things were crumbling down all around me as I discovered people and vendors who had worked for me had let me down and taken advantage of me and betrayed me in every way.
I hadn’t seen it. I didn’t choose to see it because I was too busy trying to keep everyone happy trying to be everyone’s best friend, trying to win everyone’s approval. I was not the boss and CEO I should have been and as such, I got walked all over by people who worked for me. I got taken advantage of by family members, by some crazy con-artists who weaseled their way into my company under the guise of “expert management consultants” (who were really broke compulsive liars who were known to do this to multiple companies across town), by vendors, you name it! When I think back on the decades of my adult life and how I lived as if I was an EMPLOYEE of other people as if I HAD TO DO WHAT THEY SAID, as if I had to take their constructive (unsolicited) advice and apply it (because if I didn’t, that would be horribly awfully rude right??)– I feel faint.
Here I was a grown woman living as if I could not speak with my own voice. Once I hired a business coach, she – in our first consultation session, said the best thing to me. She said, “Kelly I think it’s about time you start driving the bus in your life”. Incidentally– this is her published book and I cannot recommend it enough, she changed my life with her coaching, she is exceptional. CLICK HERE to buy on Amazon. (It’s called “Who’s Driving Your Bus?” LOL).
That moment, I can’t exactly recall when it was precisely, but when I started choosing to STOP CARING what other people think of me to stop asking for permission, to stop seeking approval, even from GOD FORBID, my parents, YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED– my relationships with a lot of people actually improved!! You think when you start to put your foot down and stand up for yourself and stop taking s**t that you’ll push everyone away but it’s not always the case— I found that in many cases there was a new found respect between the 2 parties. Now in many cases, I chose to end relationships that were toxic or not serving me – and that’s a good thing. Learn to be OK with that. It doesn’t make you a ‘BAD PERSON”– THAT will be a whole other blog post coming up to follow up on this one. For now, let’s start with you OWNING who you are, owning your decisions, not asking for advice on everything and not worrying about what your family or people on social media or people at church think about you. BE UNAPOLOGETICALLY YOU. Wear what you want. Don’t second guess it. Don’t ever ever ever think “maybe I shouldn’t…..”— who said you SHOULDN’T– ignore those thoughts. Embrace YOU because there is only one of you sister and she’s damn amazing. I want you to tell yourself that every damn day. Watch what happens.
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