Hey everyone... How is your weekend going? I am, of course, using Evernote to dictate this blog post. I have to tell you guys the amount of pressure (and I say that with a little bit of tongue in cheek) but the amount of pressure it is taken off of me to voice dictate my blog posts vs sitting down to type it out--- it is just made a world of difference for me. In the past, when I would think about writing my blog post, I knew that I would sit at my desk and I guess I was always trying to be too much of a perfect to writer and have everything flow and be well thought out with perfect pictures it would inspire you guys and so on and so forth...and knowing how long that would take me, would cause me to NOT sit down and do it, for a long time. That's why I stopped blogging for so long. Thinking I had NO TIME.
I've gotten to the point now where I realize that the people that read my blog read my blog because they're interested in the same things I am interested in and they want to learn from my experiences... They want to learn from the lessons that I am learning. So I don't need to make everything so perfect and so well thought out or in my case over thought out if you know what I mean. I am certainly somebody that can over think things over analyze things and really just spend way too much time working on details that just don't matter.
I'm realizing these things even in my business life. I worry about a proposal looking perfect or a PowerPoint presentation being artsy enough or perfect enough. Nobody is looking at these things the way I am. & I am realizing that I have to let go of this perfectionist excited me for my own sake.
So anyway I wanted to update you guys on 2 things. In my last post I shared with you that I was experiencing the previous 5 or 6 days extraordinary feelings of just being very very tired., I just felt like the way you feel after you've had the flu. I felt lethargic tired I had no appetite and I really would look at anything in the refrigerator and not want to eat or touch anything... And when I thought about even going out to get something to eat just the thought of anything it didn't appeal to me. For several days I was forcing myself to eat just to get food in my system but just feeling GROSS about everything I ate.
For those of you that know me you know that this is not like me. I love to cook and I certainly love to eat and weather thats healthy food or cheat meal I am NOT someone who will normally say that I don't have an appetite. So I knew that something was a little Jacked.
I had my first call with Dr Riske on Thursday... We are doing bi-monthly calls so that he can check in on me find out how my body is reacting see what symptoms I have see what's good what's bad and then we tweaked. That's what this whole process is all about. It is a process. It is an individual, scientific if you will, equation of what's going to work right for me. What's going to work for me is not going to work for somebody that might be my same age with hormonal imbalances... And it certainly probably wouldn't work for someone who is younger or older. We are each completely individual and thus need individual treatment especially when you're talking about your internal hormones and your insulin and your human growth hormone and so on and so forth.
So it was very timely that I had my first call with the doctor on Thursday after having 5 or 6 days where I spent the better part of those days lying on the couch sleeping... I mean there were several days where I fell asleep at 4:30 in the afternoon and woke up at 8 o'clock and then was still ready to go to bed at 10:30. So I told Dr Riske about all of my side effects and ----it is so interesting to me to listen to him explain what's happening with my body or what's likely happening.
He told me that it is highly likely that my body had responded very quickly to the Metformin that I was put on to address my insulin resistance. And he said that because I came home from my trip and already had a clean diet and was already working out and then I came home and cut Splenda and cut out diet soda and began eating even more clean and then we started the Metformin for my insulin... He said it's highly likely that I was reacting favorably to the medication and that my insulin had been "reset" if you will (forgive me these are probably not his words exactly) and I had low blood sugar. He described the symptoms of low blood sugar and it correlated to exactly and precisely what I had been feeling the past 6 days. Not wanting to get out of bed just wanting to sleep having no energy no appetite etc.
So he told me that I needed to stop taking the metformin immediately. & I stopped taking it Friday and today is Saturday so I've had 2 days without taking it and I can tell you that I can already feel that my energy is starting to come back... And today certainly my appetite is starting to come back... So I am very excited and pleased. Of course I'd be lying to you guys if I didn't told you that I didn't ask Dr R if quitting the metformin would make my insulin resistance stay or come back... Because obviously you guys a huge huge huge portion of what is important to me and what I am looking forward to it having my insulin resistance fixed and my hypothyroid situation fixed because these are the things that have prevented me from losing the weight and getting to my ideal weight and just keeping this extra fat around my core that drives me insane. So I asked him about that and he said I shouldn't worry and that we would be testing my blood in a couple of weeks not only for low blood sugar to make sure I don't have low blood sugar but also to make sure that it looks like my insulin resistance and is changing.
It is a process for me MENTALLY to - still, not fall back into thoughts that are defeatist and discouraging and to think that this will not work, and that I am a freak of nature that is not meant to ever be fixed. Yea, I have those thoughts and have for SEVERAL YEARS. I'm working on coaching myself to be reasonable and let them go BECAUSE ATTITUDE TOWARD THE PROCESS IS KEY.
I want to close today with a thought that came to me as I was sitting out back on my deck and reading. It is sunny outside and just gorgeous this weekend and I have a lot of stuff that I'm working on that I'm really really excited about. A lot of stuff that I want to share with you guys and I will be sharing with you guys. But I realize that I have such a different attitude right now and I have such a different approach and that so many things and people and circumstances in my life are all coming together for just how do I say it's the most crazy perfect timing in the world? And of course I know that's a God thing that's so amazing. But anyway I was sitting there thinking ---why do I feel like I'm so different, why do I feel like I know I'm going to do such different things in the future versus things that I've wanted in the past but didn't DO? Why do I have such certainty now? Why do I feel more driven and able??
What came to me is this.
There's a big difference between wishing for something and working towards something.
Think about that. In the past, I did a lot of wishing. Visualizing, thinking about what I wanted. But I didn't WORK TOWARD a lot of it. Deep down inside I decided unconsciously that I probably couldn't do it, didn't have the resources or time, or that nothing would change etc.
I wanted my hormonal health fixed. I knew I had serious problems. Never made the MOVES I am now. Certainly never told anyone about the problems.
I wanted a lot of things in the past- but when you wake up realize, hey, I wanted this or that for YEARS and I'm still here, (which, come on - "here" in most of our lives is a good place....but it can be that comfort zone area we hide in) -- suddenly you might have that breakthrough of HOLY COW, I SEE NOW, there has NOT BEEN THE ACTION I have thought I was doing. I was too vague, my plans were ambiguous, I wasn't tracking or planning and thus....things fade in to the distance and being far off ideas or dreams or WISHES.
I'm done with WISHING.