Happy Hump Day peeps!! I'm back-- just went out this morning for a power 40 minute walk. I'll tell you what, this back pain thing really is affecting my whole life. And - as I share in the vlog below (God help you watching this lengthy ramble-on-a-thon) it's teaching me a LOT. First of all I am reading up and researching everything I can when I can to learn more about our spine, what can cause back pain, the various treatments for it and so on. But the big thing is, and hence the title of this blog post, this situation (and really also considering my ankle/heel/foot situation that started last Fall and lasted until I met with Dr. Prisk) has opened my eyes to the need for me and really all of us to focus on BIG PICTURE HEALTH.
There is a big difference between fitness goals like losing weight, building muscle, running a marathon and...YOUR OVERALL HEALTH AND WELL BEING. I am seeing very clearly now that for so many years I have been -- fueled by my deep inner insecurities- I have been focused on fitness results always revolving around losing more weight and never being happy with myself, vs. paying attention to my HEALTH. I never gave time to warming up correctly or to stretching or appropriate rest -- and I rushed through everything and obsessed over every diet detail there is-- so a lot of PUSHING IT PUSHING IT PUSHING IT and OBSESSING AND OBSESSING and STRESSING AND STRESSING and building up anxiety over results NOT obtained or not having the time for what I want to do- then I add in running an exploding startup- working just about every single day for the better part of 3 years -- letting my sleep and health and personal life take a back seat.
This back pain thing-- is a pain (no pun intended) but it's a gift, like everything in life (in my opinion) because it's teaching me a BIG BIG LESSON I needed to learn. I see everything differently-- having discomfort when I reach down to pick something up or when I get out of bed in the morning or when I go to put on my workout pants every morning- WOW That is teaching me the HUGE VALUE we all take for granted of just our HEALTH. And I am 45 and feeling like my best part of life is beginning! I don't want to have my HEALTH deteriorate because I was not paying attention and taking CARE of myself.
This situation is also helping open my eyes-- as I evaluate what I - at this moment, CAN DO and cannot do (I can go for a walk or do the treadmill on incline etc. but any high impact cardio or running which I LOVE-- bad for my back right now)-- and how much yoga is helping this -- I realize that much of my obsessing and pushing over the past several years has often left me just TIRED and more worried about "am I fitting in to this plan? did I mess up my meals? did I eat after 4 hours vs. 3 hours?"-- instead of just doing what I enjoy and eating sensibly. I have come a LONGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG WAY with my "diet". I can truly say that outside of 2 days when Aunt Flo visits and the Dragon must be fed, I am no longer scared of food or eating in crazy patterns. What makes me become obsessive is trying to fit into any kind of plan and be perfect. And the more I analyze myself I realize that -- all of this obsessing comes from not accepting myself, from being insanely insecure and feeling that the world is viewing me the same way.
THIS IS NOT SOMETHING I AM PROUD OF people. It doesn't thrill me to figure this out about myself however-- I'm telling you, I have made so much change this year, and the only way you change is to really be honest with yourself and figure out your behavior and what's at the root. Then fix the root, not the symptoms.
SAME THING FOR HEALTH. I don't want to take spironolactone anymore, which I found out is a steroid (hello causes weight gain and irregular cycles!) to fix a SIDE CONDITION of hormonal imbalance (skin reaction). I want to fix the ROOT- the hormonal imbalance.
With my own health and fitness- I am seeing so clearly now how much I added stress and anxiety to my days by obsessing about being perfect on a plan as if I was a figure competitor. I'm not. And -- the link between stress/anxiety and health = huge. I am DONE with these ways. I no longer wish to treat myself so horribly, to add so much STRESS TO MY DAYS about trying to be perfect. I've missed out on so much life because I allowed my insecurity to fuel bad behavior.
I know this is a long post, as usual, but I KNOW there are a ton of you out there that have been going through or are going through similar feelings and I hope that me sharing my a-ha moments and how I am making changes will help someone else do the same. I can tell you this much, it feels AWESOME to make changes in yourself and see how that starts to affect your life.
So true. Like I said, it's not something awesome to realize how messed up your thinking has been but it is something epic to recognize it and then change it. Permanently. You create a whole new world.
I know that is what I am doing and it feels damn exciting.
How many of you have dealt with back pain?