Happy Sunday Peeps. Notice some changes around here? It's on. My transformation, a new chapter in my LIFE has begun. I am excited as heck. Because each day I become BETTER. I feel as if in business and in LIFE I am making more LASTING changes the past 2-3 months than I have in 2-3 YEARS.
It takes being willing and open to really SEE YOURSELF.
And these boys are my accountability team.
Lately, just the past two weeks, I experienced a few moments of clarity again that opened my eyes on habits or tendencies I will no longer allow in my life.
I've shared this book with you all in the past but really, I cannot recommend it enough, because -- in life, work, relationships and fitness, in pretty much everything- the more you know yourself and can really see yourself as you are-- your flaws, your strengths, your weaknesses, your tendencies, then you can begin to CHANGE WHERE CHANGE IS NEEDED. Don't think you know it all.
Anyway, reading this book first opened my eyes to so much about me (thank you AMY for telling me about this!!) but this is an ongoing process. The other night I was watching one of my FAVORITE cooking shows, Nigella. One of the episodes was this one:
Ok, I would marry that woman. Seriously, love her. And what's not to love? She's just this amazing cook-- who is not, if I am correct, a chef but "merely" someone that loves to cook and interprets recipes she finds in cookbooks or from friends. She is STUNNING and a woman I love because she is curvy and gorgeous and just EMBRACES that. I look at her and I say all of this-- and as I watched this show I was looking at the all-black outfit she had on and -- she wore several versions of this all-black outfit in that episode, and they all looked stunning (in my opinion)....and anyway, I had this moment of WHOA.
Ever since I was in high school (remember kittens, I'm old, I graduated high school before many of you were a fetus) and Janet Jackson came out with that album (which, whoa, back in those days, we BOUGHT THE TAPE PEOPLE, THE TAPE FOR OUR WALKMAN!! LOL) Control, I have liked and preferred to wear all black. Personal preference.
And yet, I cannot tell you all how many times in my life, usually from within my family, I get comments like "Oh can you not wear all black this time?" or "oh, you wore a COLOR today! You always wear all black!!". And the past couple of years, as I have been 24/7 working to build this business, and I'm not exaggerating when I tell you-- I have not gone clothes shopping in like that whole time......I NEED NEW CLOTHES. I have not made the time to shop, I try to order online and don't find anything I like. All I have right now is a lot of workout clothes, some of my old suits, which I never have the need to wear....and a few shawls. Being HOT all the time I can't wear sweaters or twin-sets anymore like I used to. Gave all those away. My closet is looking LAME. Anyway-- EVERY TIME I GET DRESSED TO GO TO MY FAMILY'S HOUSE-- you know what goes through my head? "I better find something with a color in it or I'll hear comments from this person or that person...."
Oh look at me. That's awful. I was wearing a BLACK SHIRT! OMG.
Cue the sarcasm music.
HOW ABSURD IS THAT? That I have allowed myself to acknowledge comments like this that actually serve NO purpose other than to be insulting. I don't remember ever looking at someone else and critiquing what they wear for the sole reason to show that I know better than them or to suggest that they just DON'T LOOK GOOD. You know what? I LIKE wearing black. I hate wearing patterns. I like color but not as much as black/white or beige. Period. And from now on, I am wearing WHAT I WANT TO WEAR and if anyone wants to criticize me-- THAT'S ON THEM.
Life is not about fixing yourself to look or act like others want or expect you to be.
GUESS WHAT?? Everything I've done the past 2 years has gone against every piece of advice I've been given. EVERYTHING. And it wasn't easy. But I have FLOURISHED.
So much of my life, I have tried to FIT IN to what others did. In my marriage I tried to be EVERYTHING that my husband wanted. He didn't want me to lift weights and get "too muscly". I quashed my needs to be the stepford wife that he wanted and guess what, I didn't stifle myself enough. And as awful as that divorce was, it was the best thing that could have happened to me. It pushed me even further toward being TOTALLY OUT OF MY COMFORT ZONE. That was just the beginning.
But I still have spent much of the past few years trying to please others and FIT IN TO THEIR MOLD. I've tried to DIM MY LIGHT to focus more brightly on theirs. People, that's like trying to hold a ball under water. It takes a lot of effort. It's not meant to be.
Stop being ashamed of being different: in work, in your relationship, in your fitness journey. Are you ar runner that found crossfit or vice versa? GO FOR IT. Leave the haters and whiners behind. Have you found your calling, yet you keep saying, "no let me stay at this job for the guaranteed paycheck and job security" I'VE GOT NEWS FOR YOU. THERE IS NO JOB SECURITY ANYWHERE. Prove to me that there is- you can't. GO FOR IT. Why fit in??
Stop being ashamed of where you are in your fitness journey-- I'VE DONE THIS. I didn't want to go to the gym until I was perfect. Guess what? I've never been perfect in my LIFE. Go to the gym. GO TO THE GYM KELLY. And you know what I've done at the gym- OBSESS AND WORRY ABOUT WHO IS STARING AT ME AND TALKING ABOUT ME for whatever reason because deep down I'm so insecure. STUPID BEHAVIOR. No one at the gym is perfect. No BODY is ever finished. Our body, our lives, our minds, our relationships are never FINISHED.
The past week or so, putting pen to paper and tracking everything, I'm learning so much about myself and although it's frustrating as hell to see my weaknesses, my tendencies that have impeded my progress, it is FREEING. It's freeing to ACKNOWLEDGE IT ALL to be ACCOUNTABLE FULLY and to make progress NOT EXCUSES. Admit you failed. Shake it off. And don't look back.
If you really want to move forward, you have to SHED YOUR SKIN. Figuratively speaking of course. But sometimes that can mean-- SHED YOUR TENDENCY TO WORRY ABOUT WHAT OTHERS THINK.
Look around you-- find whatever it is in your life that is a comfort or represents comfort zone to you. One thing PHYSICALLY that I'm shedding- my favorite black robe from Victoria's Secret. Why? I bought it right after my divorce, which is right about when perimenopause hit me. That robe is sooo soft and comfy but you know what-- I've spent so much time in that robe HIDING FROM THE WORLD when things were bad, I CAN'T HAVE IT IN MY HOME ANYMORE.
I'm shedding what doesn't work in my life anymore. SHAKE IT OFF. LET IT GO.
I'm shaking off insecurity. I'm incorporating the attitude that propeled me to build this business and achieve what I never could have DREAMED OF DOING, professionally speaking. And now it's time to do that in my personal and fitness life.
NO DOUBTS. NO FEAR. I AM UNSTOPPABLE. But I've allowed myself to get in my own way the past two years. I'm taking it back.
To get what you've never had, you must do what you've never done. That means taking big steps. UNCOMFORTABLE STEPS. But I don't know anyone that doesn't start taking BIGGER leaps once they step outside of the zone.
EMBRACE WHO YOU ARE. BELIEVE YOU CAN DO BIGGER THINGS. KNOW THAT YOU ARE UNSTOPPABLE. THE ONLY ONE WHO WILL STOP YOU IS YOU.
This is one of my latest profile pictures. I like it. Guess what? I've had people make fun of me for wearing a cowboy hat. I've been obsessed with cowboy hats since spring break of 1992. I think someone wrote that I was trying to look like someone on a reality show-- one that I've never watched on VH1. That made me laugh. I could clearly be my own reality show with all my issues and drama. I don't need to mimic someone. I've also had people say my nails are too long. "how can you type with those???" I want to say, HOW DO YOU SLEEP WITH THAT MOUTH THAT NEVER SHUTS UP? I get made fun of because I wear high heels all the time. I've liked high heels since I was in 4th grade and started playing dress up with my Grandma's shoes. People say, "how do you WALK IN THOSE?? My GOD my back would be KILLING ME, I'm too old for that!" um, guess what douchebag? I'm almost 44 (next April 2) and I'm doing just fine, and aside from not being able to walk across the muddy grounds at Reebok World Headquarters effectively, I walk DAMN WELL in my heels. Maybe your man would like it if you put something on other than those sorry ass flip flops you wear with unshaven legs. WHOA WHAT? Did I say that? Yes I did.
Shake off your shame. SHED IT. You are exceptional. You are capable of more than you think. Start telling yourself that EVERY DAMN DAY. And when others don't believe you or doubt you? Put on an all-black outfit and just WORK IT.
So, what's the plan? Goals for the new year? Being lame, staying the same? Or MAKING YOUR LIFE EPIC.
Be your own pinnable stuff people. Make your goal to be your inspirational photos. Next year at this time, make sure you have a living brochure of all the great places you've gone-- stop putting off VACATIONS. Have you made your list??
On my list--- the blog. And I started TODAY. Revamped the look and I WILL be blogging regularly and not being behind on posting my VIDEOS like this from last Monday. FAIL
Now-- tomorrow is Christmas Eve. What are your plans?? ;-) Did you need a link to my Amazon.com wish list? ho ho ho